


Where did you go?

by orphan_account



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: AND HE DIES TOO, ANGST IS SO FUN TO WRITE, Angst, BUAHAHAHA, Dan has cancer, M/M, Mutual Pining, No Smut, SO, Unresolved Romantic Tension, and they're not gonna get together, debating if i'll end it well, don't read if you don't want to cry, hahahaaa, hahahahaha, he dies, i had way too much coffee btw, i think i'm going to have them get together just beore Dan dies, it bothers me a lot actually, it will be amazing, it's literally all angst, mmmmmmm fuck that idea dan's gonna diiiieeeee, never mind it's going to end sadly, oma challenge, oml annnnnnnnngst, one month angst challenge, probably not, so i am basically satan, then Phil is depressed, thirty days of angst, um, very medically inacurate, you should join in
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-01
Updated: 2017-03-10
Packaged: 2018-08-18 19:21:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 15
Words: 4,366
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8173010
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Dan and Phil are in a difficult position- Dan's in the hospital with cancer, and Phil's Youtube channel is losing popularity with increasing speed. Written for the OMA challenge(please join in, just tag it 'oma challenge')





	1. The diagnosis

**Author's Note:**

> Be prepared for this shitty angst fest MUAHAHAHA
> 
> me and WinchesterByHeart(he's great go read his stuff) are writing a collab fic called 'Why Are You Holding Lube...?' and it's pretty amazing you should go check it out

" Dan! Why the _hell _did you think this was a good idea!?" Phil shouted at the top of his lungs. They were locked out of their flat, in the pouring rain because _Dan _decided it would be a good idea to go for a walk and then forgot his keys.____

____" Because we never do anything anymore, Phil! The last time we went outside was to fucking play a shitty game for our stupid gaming channel! I thought maybe-" Dan cut off mid sentence, freezing up and collapsing to his knees. He was breathing heavily and, under the rain, seemed to be sweating heavily._ _ _ _

____" Dan? Dan, are you alright?!" Phil lunged forward slightly, an automatic reaction to attempt to help his best friend. Dan's eyes were closed and he was getting paler by the second. " I'm going to call an ambulance!" Phil pulled his phone from his jean pocket, typing in the ridiculously long passcode he had. " Emergency? Yeah, my friend just collapsed and he seems to be in incredible pain. We are..." Phil glanced up, then relayed the address to the emergency operator. The woman informed him that there was an ambulance on the way, and to make sure Dan didn't choke on any possible vomit. That was all he could do. Phil kneeled next to his friend, clutching his hand and hoping that his closest friend would be alright._ _ _ _

____The ambulance arrived about eight minutes later, and the hussled Dan off. Phil was invited in the ambulance, because Dan wouldn't let go of his hand. So Phil rode in the ambulance next to Dan, who was conscious but immobile. The ride was short and tense, the EMT's quizzing Phil and Dan about the circumstances._ _ _ _

____The hospital made Phil wait in the lobby while they did some basic exams on Dan. It was nerve wracking. Others came and went, and at some point, Phil found himself comforting an older lady who's husband passed away during a heart procedure. His heart wasn't really in it, though, all his thoughts were on Dan. Was Dan okay? What happened?_ _ _ _

____It was a few hours before a nurse came out and called Phil's name._ _ _ _

____Dan had cancer._ _ _ _

____He would most likely be fine, but they weren't sure about it. Chemo was recommended before any surgeries. So Dan agreed to that, and the nurse nodded and left them in shell-shocked silence._ _ _ _

____" I.. I.." Dan started shaking and reached for Phil's hands. Phil pulled Dan into a hug and Dan started sobbing. " Why? How? Phil, I'm so scared." Dan mumbled into Phil's shoulder unhappily. Phil clutched Dan tighter, letting his own shocked tears fall._ _ _ _

____" Dan, you will get through this. For your subscribers. For you. For me." Phil's voice was shaking though, so his words didn't have as much effect as he hoped._ _ _ _

____" But what if I don't, Philly? What then?"_ _ _ _

____" You will." Phil didn't want to think of what would happen if Dan didn't survive._ _ _ _


	2. Day 1 in the hospital

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dan tries to vlog- it goes terribly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oma is continued!
> 
> again, please join in by tagging your work 'oma challenge' and we(me and WinchesterByHeart) promise to read it
> 
> we made up this challenge if you were wondering for WAYHL, our collab fic.

Dan was terrified the first night, but Phil stayed with him. It wasn't like they had pets, and Phil would rather stay with Dan then deal with his plants. Dan was eternally grateful for that.

Everything was a blur for Phil. People came and went, relatives, family friends, people they knew.

Phil only lest Dan's side once, to use the loo when Dan's mother requested 'alone time' with her son. Dan insisted that Phil was family and should be included as such, but Phil said it was fine and he could go get some coffee while they talked. Dan seemed a little desperate, but he didn't put up a fight. Phil was walking back from the restroom holdin a coffee and a scone when he heard shouting from Dan's hospital room. Phil picked up his pace to catch the last fragment of shouts.

" Phil has been with me the entire time! What have you been doing? Huh? _I have bloody cancer, and you're off doing who knows what! _I've been here for over twenty four hours, you'd think my own parent's could make time on their trip to London, _my home town, _to come and visit me int the hospital!" Dan's parents left the room with harried looks on their faces.____

____" Oh, Phil, sweetie, maybe you can talk some sense into Dan. He's throwing a fit." Dan's mother whispered conspiratorially. Phil nodded, but he didn't think he could nor did he want to 'talk sense' into Dan. Dan's argument seemed justified to him, but he hadn't heard the entire thing._ _ _ _

____" I'll try my best, Mrs. Howell." Phil smiled charmingly and entered Dan's hospital room. Dan was sitting and pouting angrily, glaring like the devil at Phil. Phil put his hands up in surrender and plopped back in his seat. " What am I supposed to talk sense into you about?"_ _ _ _

____" They were on holiday here since two days ago, and yet they didn't think to visit their child in the hospital within the first day." Dan sighed and buried his head in his hands. " That was irritating."_ _ _ _

____" Hey. C'mere." Phil opened his arms and the had a weird bed/chair hug. Dan sighed into Phil's shoulder and shuddered._ _ _ _

____" It's things like that that make me wonder if they'd care if I lived or died."_ _ _ _

____" I would." Dan looked at Phil's face, searching his guileless blue eyes for a lie. There wasn't one, and Dan smiled shakily and resumed having his head nestled in Phil's shoulder._ _ _ _

____" Thank you."_ _ _ _

____Of course, it was then that the doctor who was dealing with Dan came in, knocking and opening the door without waiting for a response._ _ _ _

____" Oh, sorry, am I interrupting anything?" She sounded somewhat apologetic, but also like she had news._ _ _ _

____" Not really. Dan leaned back onto his tilted bed, but didn't un-clutch Phil's hand._ _ _ _

____" Well, the good news is it's not a huge tumour, but, and here's the bad news, it's in a really bad spot. It's difficult to reach by surgery and nearly impossible to kill by chemo." Dan's grip grew tighter on Phil's hand._ _ _ _

____" How do you plan on getting rid of it?" Phil asked, because Dan was obviously in no state to do so._ _ _ _

____" Well, there's an experimental surgery we could try. If you want to sign the wavers, we could schedule that for next week." Dan agreed before Phil could even open his mouth, and Phil glanced at him quickly before turning and nodding to the doctor. She nodded and left, once again leaving the not-quite-couple in the room in silence._ _ _ _

____" Phil... I want to film a vlog. Let the phans know what''s happening and so forth." Phil looked at Dan in minor concern, but nodded anyway._ _ _ _

____" Do you want to use my phone?"_ _ _ _

____" Sure." Phil loaded the camera and turned to face Dan. " Hey internet. So as you can see, I'm in the hospital. Unfortunately, I have cancer. What are the chances, huh?" Dan laughed lightly, but it was quite obvious he was trying not to cry on camera. " So neither me or Phil are going to be uploading any time soon. I'm really sorry." Dan was full on crying now, trying desperately to make a smile break through. It didn't work. " Oh god." Dan started full on emotional break down and Phil stopped camera in favor of attempting to comfort his friend._ _ _ _

____" Shh. Dan, bear, howl, it's okay. You're going to be okay. Everything's going to be fine, okay?" Phil murmured into Dan's hair. Dan shook violently against Phil, and Phil clutched the dearest thing he had closer to his chest. Dan was going to be fine._ _ _ _

____Everything was going to be fine._ _ _ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey hey hey guess what doesn't work\me working so hard to create angst
> 
> DANS SURGERY 
> 
> MUAHAHAHA
> 
> also happy halloween do the trick or treat everybody scream hahaha i think i'm so funny
> 
> i'm not


	3. Day two in the hospital: wavers to sign away the soul

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> basically waver signing and maybe i'll throw in the devil

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm listening to really angsty nightcore hahaha

Dan was so done with his very condescending doctor. He had cancer, he wasn't four.

She didn't seem to think that way, though. She would talk to Dan and Phil both like they were four again and didn't understand the gravity of the situation.

They very bloody well did.

They uploaded the video and immediately after, their twitters, tumblrs, and rarely used facebooks blew up.

" Phil, you don't have to stay with me." Dan whispered after they had turned off notifications on both their phones.

" But I want to." 

" Thanks."

That was the end of that topic. The bloody doctor entered the room, holding a stack of papers and a disgustingly cheerful smile.

" I have the forms to fill out, Mr. Howell. You and your... boyfriend? Should be all set." Her voice put Dan on edge, but the use of the term boyfriend made him strangely happy. Phil, on the other hand, frowned.

" We're not-"

" Thank you." Dan cut in. Phil glanced at Dan, looking confused. But the doctor just nodded and handed Phil the heap of paper and left.

" Dan, we're not..."

" But it got her out sooner, didn't it?" Dan tried to ignore the sinking feeling in his chest. Phil nodded, satisfied with the mediocre reason. Dan leaned over and took the papers, looking over them.

" Looks like a contract to give away your soul." Phil said in the growing silence. Dan chuckled.

" It really does." Dan wished it didn't feel so much like it was so.

It did though.


	4. Day four: Dan worsens

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i am awful
> 
> just wait this is not a cheerful story i am so happy with myself
> 
> ALSO disclaimer:  
> I have no idea how cancer works so this is incredibly medically inaccurate and it bothers me so much  
> but what do you do amiright

Phil was reading a book on his phone when Dan started convulsing and breathing erratically. His heartbeat moniters started beeping insistently, faster then they should.

Doctors rushed in and forced Phil out.

" Dan!"

" Sir, you must be out here. I'm sorry, but you'd just get in the way."

" But he's my-"

" Sir!" Phil pulled out of the nurses grasp and bolted to Dan's room, only to be intercepted by another nurse.

" Sir, I can't let you in there." The nurse looked fairly guilty, leading Phil towards tho lobby. Phil struggled against his captors, furious that he wasn't allowed to see Dan. 

" But-"

" No."

" He's my-"

" I know, but that doesn't mean you're able to help him. You need to stay out here if you want to make sure he gets better."

" How dare you." Phil's voice was soft and threatening, and the nurse turned to him in surprise.

" Beg pardon?"

" How dare you coddle me like I don't realise his fucking _life _is in danger! I'm not a child! He's my-" The nurse pricked him with a needle, annoyance briefly flashing over his face.__

 _ _" Sir, I warned you-" Everything went black.__


	5. Day five: Phil is scared and Dan is going to go into surgery

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahhhhhhhhahaha WinchesterByHeart brought up a good point that the whole thing where Phil was sedated was likely illegal it probably is but i have no idea how stuff like this works sooo it's very inaccurate i'm sorry

Phil woke up in a chair in the lobby significantly more annoyed then before. The hospital room Dan was in was oddly quiet, and Phil stood up shakily to see if Dan was still there.

He wasn't.

Phil went back to the desk at the front and asked the lady there where Daniel Howell went. She smiled at him politely and told him that he was moved into intensive care before an emergency surgery. Phil nodded and thanked her.

Phil went back to sit in the lobby, slightly shell shocked.

Why did Dan have to go into surgery?

Phil returned to the desk and asked her.

" You're boyfriend's tumor is located almost directly on top of his spinal cord, and if it's not dealt with soon, he may lose his legs." Phil nodded, not even comprehending that she called him and Dan boyfriends. It wasn't that big of a deal, people assumed it all the time, but they were both strait as a ruler and nothing could change that.

Phil really, really, hoped that wasn't true.

Every time someone said they were a cute couple, Dan would smile slightly and tell them that they weren't actually a couple, and Phil just assumed that was how Dan felt towards him, merely friendship. 

It hurt Phil's heart a little.

So when the doctor came in and Dan didn't immediately correct her, Phil made sure that he made Dan feel better about it by correcting her himself. 

He was pretty sure he imagined the look of disappointment on Dan's face.

A nurse entered the lobby and called out for a Mr... Phillip Lester? Phil stood up and followed her into a smallish room above a room that appeared to be for surgeries. 

" You are allowed to stay here and watch, if you wish Mr..."

" Please, call me Phil." Phil mustered up a shaky smile, and the nurse nodded.

" Alright, Phil. You can wait here if you want, but Mr. Howell's going to be pretty out of it for a few days. You should go home for a while after."

" Okay, thank you. I believe the hospital has my phone number, can you tell me of any changes?"

" Of course, sir."


	6. Day five(p.1)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahhhhhhhhhahahaa so this is so fun to write oml

Phil sat in the little room above the operating team. It had been a few hours, and Phil was quite ready for it to be done.

After all, watching your best friend be operated on was never a pleasant experience.

The tumor was in a fairly odd spot, near the base of the rib cage and on the inside of Dan's spinal cord. Phil cringed away but he couldn't really not watch in horrified fascination. 

 

Phil stepped back from the window and took a deep breath, pulling out his phone to send out a tweet.

 

> Phil Lester
> 
>  Dan's in surgery rn, eek! :O

 

He got various tweets, including some requests for images. Phil shuddered and refused, saying that the hospital didn't want pictures released from inside the hospital, which was probably true.

 

The majority of replies, though, consisted of sympathies and hopes for Dan to get better. Phil smiled at Louise's tweet, that Dan needed to get better, and if he didn't then Louise would fly to the afterlife and drag him back to eat her new coconut ice cream recipe.

 

Clever.

 

Phil logged out of twitter and went back to reading his book. It seemed to lose it's charm, considering he was reading it when Dan had his fit. Phil tapped out and chose another on his Kindle library, what seemed to be a romance, likely downloaded as a joke. It was surprisingly entertaining, and Phil enjoyed it a lot more when it turned out the main romance was two men.

 

It also made him sad when he realised he couldn't have that type of relationship with Dan.

 

Maybe after this whole ordeal blew over.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FORESHADOWING MUAHAHAHA  
> yes i am the devil what can i do for you 
> 
> also if you don't want to deal with major character death, please go read something else. i plan to kill off at least one person(bet you know who that is) and if you don't want to be in tears then please, please go read something cheerful.


	7. Day five(p.2)

Phil clicked out of Kindle and instead tried to amuse himself playing shitty games.

 

Didn't work, considering Dan was better than him in every game on Phil's phone.

 

Phil shook his head. Dan  _would_ be fine, nothing would happen, he would recover and keep beating Phil at the games Phil had.

 

He would.

 

Phil tapped Tumblr, hoping something there would distract him.

 

Yeah, the drawings of him and Dan having sex in a hospital bed didn't really help.

 

But the septiplier was good.

 

Phil smiled slightly as he read one of his favorite continuing Johnlock fics.

 

Nothing too smutty, mostly conversations and cute little role plays.

 

Phil read the latest updates and tried to find something else to do. He eventually resorted to Youtube, glancing trough his subscription box. The video from Dan, which was released on both of their channels, and a few other miscellaneous videos that Phil didn't really want to watch. Phil clicked back to his channel, and jumped slightly hen he saw his subscriber count dropped by a few hundred.

 

Maybe they were inactive accounts that Youtube cleared out.

 

Phil doubted it though.


	8. Day six: Dan is mostly conscious

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ahhhhhhhhhhhhh i'm sorry this is up really late i was planning angst for WAYHL(go read the angst in it there are some chapters that don't make sense but it's good if you get through it)

Dan got out of surgery alright. They couldn't get the entire tumor out in one go, so he was going back into surgery in a week or so.

 

In the meantime, though, he was on plenty of painkillers and he was mostly out of it.

 

His dreams were garbled and questionable, but the most prominent thing in Dan's mind was the fact Phil never left his side. His knight in shining armor.

 

Dan really hated this entire thing. He hated this beast. He hated cancer. If-

 

_When-_

 

 

He got through this, he was going to donate money to a variety of cancer charities.

 

Dan woke up, more than he had for the last day or two, and found his hand clutched tightly in Phil's.

 

" Hey."

 

" Oh my god, you're awake! Are you okay? Are you in pain?" Phil seemed abnormally freaked out, and Dan grinned weakly.

 

" Phil' I'm fine. Really. Well, I mean..." Phil cracked a smile after a few seconds, nodding and holding Dan's hand tighter than before. Dan squeezed weakly in return. Phil glanced up from the book he was engrossed in, tapping into camera and snapping a selfie with Dan.

 

Dan smiled as Phil uploaded, but it faltered when he saw the huge dip in followers since his admission to the hospital.

 

Was it his doing?

 

Shit.

 

Dan immediately felt awful about it, even though he wasn't sure if it was his fault or not. Dammit emotions.

 

He had enough to deal with already.


	9. Day seven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ahhhhhhhh fuck this is late i'm so sorry i dozed off when i was going to write it
> 
> so i started to repost the angst from Why are you holding lube? to a different one because i'm so happy with it and it works alone

Dan was awake off and on all day. Phil read, sometimes conversing with Dan when he was awake.

 

 Dan was awake when the doctor came in for a post-surgery check up. Phil was ushered out of the room, to which Phil hissed at the nurse when she tried to make him hurry. The spork. It was a fairly standard procedure, but when the doctor ushered Phil back in, she had a bit of a frown.

 

Phil turned to her, but she just waved her hand absentmindedly. Dan smiled tiredly at his biffle, wishing they could possibly be together and seriously doubting it. Phil resumed his place next to Dan, holding his hand out for him. Dan gripped it tightly, letting his smile grow a little. Phil smiled back.

 

It was about an hour before the doctor came back, and Dan was asleep. Phil nudged him awake.

 

" So, Daniel, I'm sorry to inform you that the stitching from your recent surgery has become infected. It's not impossible to get rid of, but it may cause you pain and inconvenience while we deal with it." Dan paled and nodded, feeling Phil grip his hand.

 

One thing after another.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm sorry this is super short but i plan on posting two today along with the chapter for 'Get out of my sight, Sherlock Holmes.' and WAYHL so i hope y'all won't be mad about it


	10. Day eight(p.1)

Dan was to go into pre-mature surgery to get rid of the infection and the rest of the tumor.

 

Phil paced the nearing familiar surgery-viewing-thingy room. He had four new books, all gay romances(he had a thing for them!), so he felt prepared. As much as one could be when your best friend was going into surgery for a  _second_ time. Dan had reassured him that it would be fine, but that was before they put him on anesthetics. Now Phil wasn't so sure.

 

Louise had texted Phil repeatedly, but he had ignored her for the most part. 

 

He figured now would be as good of a time as any to respond to her.

 

From: Lou

To: Me

Phil, what's happening?

 

From: Lou

To: Me

Phil talk to me

 

From: Lou

To: Me

Hey

 

From: Lou

To: Me

Hey

 

From: Lou

To: Me

Phil

 

From: Lou

To: Me

Talk to me

 

From: Lou

To: Me

Please

 

From: Lou

To: Me

Dan is my friend too 

 

From: Lou

To: Me

I promise that if you don't update me what's happening

I won't ever let you have any cookies at my house

 

From: Lou

To: Me

PHIL

 

From: Lou

To: Me

P

 

From: Lou

To: Me

H

 

From: Lou

To: Me

I

 

From: Lou

To: Me

L

 

From: Lou

To: Me

TALK TO ME

 

From: Me

To: Lou

baaaaack Dan's in surgery right now calm yourself

 

From: Lou

To: Me

Took you long enough! What's happening?

 

From: Me

To: Lou

Dan's got a tumor and they're getting it out he should be fine

 

From: Lou

To: Me

Thank god!

 

Phil sighed and looked out at Dan before returning to texting Louise. He spent a good while texting Louise before she had to go take care of Darcy and left Phil.

 

He glanced out the window, starting to his feet when he saw the heart monitor at a standstill and the surgons performing emergency CPR to try and get his heart back on the line. Phil pressed himself to the window, hoping against all hope that the CPR would work.


	11. Day eight(p. 2)

Phil pressed himself against the window, fear elevating his heartbeat and blood pressure. He felt light headed.

The doctors shocked Dan with and AED. His body jolted and the heartbeat monitor started up again. Phil sagged, secure that Dan wouldn't die that day.

He stumbled back, collapsing into one of the chairs in the room before passing out.

He woke up several hours later when one of the nurses shook him. Dan was out of surgery, but they hadn't managed to quite finish because of the heart scare. He would be back on the table in a few days.


	12. Dreams

Dan was in a plane. No idea when that happened, but he was. Phil was sitting to the left of him.

" When did we get on a plane?" Phil turned and frowned.

" A few hours ago, bear." Dan nodded, looking back at the book that was apparently in his hands. It was blank. What...? Dan shook his head slightly. It wasn't blank anymore- was it in the first place? Oh well.

He read for a while, already knowing the plot like a recently re-read book. Phil seemed to be static, not moving unless Dan looked at him directly. 

" I'm afraid we've hit some turbulence. Please buckle your seat belts." Dan glanced down and did so. Phil stayed still, but when Dan looked at him, he finished buckling his seat belt.

" Y'okay, Dan?"

" Fine! Fine." Dan grinned shakily. What was happening? 

" Right... come here." Phil held open his arm and Dan leaned into him. Why was he so cold? That wasn't Phil...

" Please pull the floats out from under your seats, we will be making an emergency landing." Dan tightened his grip on Phil.

" Phil..." 

" C'mon, Dan. Let's do this." Dan looked up at Phil, smiling slightly. Phil leaned down slightly... 

Dan sat upright, gasping and grasping his side in pain. Phil glanced up from the seat next to the bed.

" Nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnightmare?"

" Something like that."


	13. Mutual pining intensifies

Phil hadn't budged from his post to the left of Dan's bed at all. When Dan woke up from his nightmare, Phil had held his hand while he freaked out. Phil was tired.

 

And as a result of that, he was somewhat short tempered.

 

Dan was wining about the doctor being irritating, and Phil agreed, but he kinda wanted a nap. He stayed up late reading one of the most recent books he bought, before checking his YouTube and cringing at the number of subscribers he had lost. Twitter wasn't plummeting yet, though, so that was good.

 

People were demanding pictures, though.

 

" Hey, Dan."

 

" Yeah?" Dan turned from his own phone to look at Phil.

 

" Do you want to take a picture for twitter?"

 

" Sure." Phil lifted his phone up and snapped an epic selfie of him looking fabulous and Dan flipping the bird. Phil smiled slightly at it, saving it to cloud before posting it.

 

The response from it was near immediate, most people saying it was adorable, or for Dan to get better, but the majority was for them to kiss before Dan died. Phil frowned, replying to a few, saying that Dan was most likely going to be fine. He was honestly annoyed at the fact that the phandom was pushing them to kiss o the off chance Dan would die.

 

They went about the rest of the day like that, half on their phones, half doing tests, and half talking and sitting in silence.


	14. Some resolution

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> DAMMIT WBH 
> 
> TRAVIS IS DEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAD

Phil read the sentence again. Didn't understand a word of it. 

 

He wasn't paying attention, Dan was awake and mumbling and that was much more distracting.

 

Especially because Phil heard his name several times in Dan's delirium. 

 

" Phiiiill... Plant's... don't have mouths?" Dan muttered, a noticeable slur to his voice.

 

" I know, Dan. Plan't do not, in fact, have mouths."

 

" But.. how...?"

 

" Science."

 

" Oh, yeah..." Dan blinked. Phil couldn't understand why Dan was acting so drugged up, but he seemed fine and he was on a minimal dose of morphine so Phil didn't worry too much.

 

" Phiiiiiiiiiil..."

 

" Yes, Dan?"

 

" D'ya love me?"

 

" Of course, Dan."

 

" Then kiss me." Dan was still slurring, but his words got just a wee bit more clear.

 

" Dan, stop acting like you're drugged beyond belief. I'm not kissing you."

 

" Aw, why not?" Dan immediately stopped his little act, instead pouting at Phil in annoyance.

 

" Because you're currently at a hospital and here is not the time nor place."

 

" But Phiiiiiiiil..."

 

" Stooop." Dan stuck out his lip and pouted harder, if that was possible. 

 

And of course, that was when Dan screamed, clutched his middle, started twitching, and every single machine in the room started blaring.


	15. Spoilers, Sweetie.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> BUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAA

Doctors rushed into Dan’s room, pushing Phil back even as he screamed and tried to get closer.

 

Dan.. His Dan..

 

Oh God.

 

A kindly old nurse escorted Phil to the waiting room, asking politely if he wanted coffee or something to eat. It took Phil an enormous effort to not snap at her- could she not see Dan, his Dan, needed him?

 

Oh, he said that out loud. Oops.

 

The nurse smiled lightly and explained that there was nothing he could do but take care of himself, Dan would most likely be fine, it was only a little relapse and he would be alright.

 

Phil didn’t hear any of it.

 

The nurse must have seen the dazed look in his eyes, leading him to a seat and handing him a lukewarm cup of shitty coffee. 

 

Phil sat in that damned chair, people moved past, he finished his coffee. No news of Dan.

 

Dan’s parents showed up at around three in the morning.

 

Dan’s heartbeat petered out at about four thirty.

 

Dan was declared dead, a tumour escaping the doctors on the first round of surgery and filling Dan’s diaphragm. 

 

Phil couldn’t hear his own scream, pleas for Dan to stop being dead, just one more miracle, for Dan to be alive.

 

Dan’s parents said nothing, Dan’s father supporting his tear streaked and sobbing mother. 

 

The kindly old nurse sat with Phil as he screamed and sobbed into her shoulder, rubbing soothing circles on the older mans back.

  
Dan Howell, 28, Internet Sensation.

 

Dan Howell, born June 11th, 1991, died August 4th, 2020.

 

Dan Howell, dead.


End file.
